My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
You asked the dj to play 'who let the dogs out" because it was your birthday. You left the bar and then re-entered to the song
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
my coworker just texted me asking if i remember pissing in the mop bucket at the gas station
I invented the best game. It's called "what touched my exposed nutsack?" It can range from pillows to toothbrushes
So I just sent my ex a video snap chat of me getting head from some Venezuelan hottie with the caption I still love you. Think she'll take me back?
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
She called to tell me she just hooked up with my crush...and that he talked about me...not sure if I should be pissed or excited?
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I need you to sex the hangover out of me again.
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I just made deviled eggs for everyone not passed out. Im officially becoming a drunk chef.
Randomize
