i just heard the ice cream truck outside while mid-masturbation. i stopped and considered running outside to buy one.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
my roommate just caught me washing a dildo in the sink.
drunk me just left notes all around the apt to remind shitfaced me that i have mashed potatoes in the fridge. do not take them down if you come home before me.
It was really weird walking into a CVS and not going straight to the pharmacy for plan B.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
I would watch the shit out of some full house right now.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
You have not lived until you have drunkenly grinded on your mother. Daughter of the year right here.
i think the sex is so good because i get a contact high just from fucking him
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
...this is why fuck buddies should be only for grownups.
if having to see my ex’s dick once in a while is the price I pay to the universe for making my life go a little smoother, I’ll take it
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