non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
Lauren will drop me off I'll be drunk ride you for a little bit and then you can go to sleep
sorry. that wasn't for you
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
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