Sorry I totally forgot to text you back. When you texted me I was at work at the pharmacy and it was stupid busy. And then of course I had my 8 hour "shoot me b/c half of Loyola comes in to buy plan B" shift.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
please come you make the beer taste better
Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
If I had a dollar for every straight boy that questioned their sexuality because of me, I would live a comfortable middle-class life.
I don't think stranger penis made your tonsils bleed
Oh, in response to your "does dating get better" question...I feel like penises are getting smaller nowadays. Its been several years since I saw a good 8+ incher.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
Woke up in the hospital naked with my id's taped to my chest. Also apparently puked on two guys, two girls and an escalade (at the same time). Good night.
Randomize
