I might come over and watch a movie but I can't spend the night. my parents would wonder where i was
you're 26.
Just met a guy who has been in college for 7 years and still classified as a junior. Then watched him shotgun 10 beers. Found my new hero
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
Just sent a dick pic to ur girl. It was accident. Plz mail it to Gena.
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
I just wanna get high and take a fucking awesome nap. Those are my goals for the week.
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Ive decided to see your threat against my life as you flirting
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Randomize
