Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
there is no amount of schooling that prepares you for when your morbidly obese 45 year old patient tells you she has her clit pierced.
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
Literally just napped at strip club. Don't know how long
They started shooting fireworks out of a dryer. It was my cue to leave.
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
Omg I joined a choir last night...
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
