from now on my penis is your penis
she looks like stephen colbert with that blond wig he was wearing last night.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
at the time it didn't seem likely that you would ever find the cake in your underwear
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
Puking on the side of the road and legitimately just got a head nod and thumbs up from an 80 year old man on a Segway... What the fuck?
I didnt finish. My brain kept playing the duck tales theme thru the entire blow job
You're dick is like the main character. It needs its own picture.
Seriously. I'm like, "Wait, we are actually talking about physics in the middle of sex and its ACTUALLY erotic because you're so fucking intelligent I'm turned on?"
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
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