I just pynch a tree in the face
Brandy, I need a picture of your boobs. Not time to explain.
I was just tapping my foot in the bathroom at Penn Station just PRAYING for anonymous sex. You know how that goes.
he fingered my asshole thinking it was my vag...I couldn't bring myself to tell him, mostly from shame for me and pity for him
What do ugly girls do when they get too drunk at parties. They can't pull the whole "sorry i passed out on your couch but i'm hot so it doesn't matter "card
you smelled like vodka, i think that's why my grandma liked you
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
Youre attempt to ruin my night by putting Date Rape by Sublime on my sex playlist failed. She was into it.
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
I mean i can't really be mad...either way i was gonna fuck him or hate fuck him, so it's basically a win/win situation.
Made out with a mannequin all morning in cpr training, so im ready to party
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
How is your new roommate working out
We are drinking at the laundromat. And will probably have sex later. So...pretty good.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
I am now banned from the bar... Because you got head from my ex in the woman's restroom
Randomize
