I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
i just realized i have an entire drawer dedicated to the clothes of guys ive shacked with...
No flights in Europe due to the volcano erupting. God himself is telling me to spend 4.20 in Amsterdam.
I'm ashamed of you 12 hours later and 200 miles away
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
I know my whole body feels like I belly flopped onto concrete. Seriously need to tone it down for a while
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
We just left the shoe. An app card to Fridays. $25 to santoras and a note that said sorry we were drunk on the front doorstep of the strip club
In other news, I just burned my penis
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
Randomize
