my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I really wish i had a penis so i could dick slap that bitch right now
He came all over my face... then said "YOU HAVE BEEN ROBBED!"
What's this douchebags name?
Rob...
wait a second... your telling me you want me to take you to the bank at 10 on a tuesday so you can buy a blow up pool and fill it with beer?
yes... and buy you lunch
i just googled the alphabet. i couldnt remember if it was jklomnop or jklmnop.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
First funeral I've ever been to where the cops had to come.
Hey we need to step our game up. Dad has us beat; he stole a vending machine once.
Did you shave a certain someone in his sleep last night?
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
You made me take a photo of you under the stairs at the bar. "Look I'm Harry Potter."
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
Randomize
