Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
She was the most uninteresting drunk I've met
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
It was dark, she woke me up, gave me a blowjob and then whispered in my ear: do you know who I am?
Dunno why I keep hitting snooze. It's never gonna give me the kind of sleep I need to be sober.
I'm so lazy and tired i just want to cry and fall asleep in a bed of egg mcmuffins.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
gonna guess the empty vodka bottle and open can of tuna in the bathroom drawer are related?
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
I did a line off of, and then danced on top of a table older than this country.
Harvard is great.
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
Randomize
