8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
Theres a picture of you standing next to a John Wayne cardboard cutout that says dont drink and drive. your buddy is shirtless holding a beer and youre holding your keys up with marker on your face.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Found our threesome girl. She says I'm pretty. She doesn't know I'm pregnant. Yet. Think we can pull it off?
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
ok so i got home drunk and was cleaning my kitchen and i was shaking out the throw rug and dropped it out the window, i'm sorry
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Oh god establish a safe word
I'm going to! Pineapple.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
You have thirteen minutes to get here if you want to get back together. Otherwise I'm getting digits from the waitress.
Randomize
