He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
stumble upon led me to how to make wine in prison, followed by wedding dresses. it knows my life too well
I'm just saying, margarita tuesday would turn anyone gay.
I woke up with a pinecone in my hair. A full pine cone.
I got drunken sympathy for the whales' plight last night and signed up to give $50 monthly to Greenpeace. Calling to cancel was worse than the hangover.
Hear that? That's the wail of a dying whale. Murderer.
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
College has done two things for me. Given me the confidence to blow my nose in public and shit in public
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
I don't know what it is about this quarantine, but I have never written this much smutty fanfic in my life and I am loving it!
Randomize
