I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
that speech was about as successful as her performance in twilight
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
She threw up in the hot tub how's your night
her boyfriend dumped her for my exgirlfriend. so filming our hookup is pretty much a definite.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
John stretched a condom over his face and tried to puke in it.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
don't say the first was when I crawled under into the dressing room
I just flicked a lizard out of the window with a bud light in one hand and spatula inthe other...dont tell me you dont miss the south
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
You fucked that MILF against my car!
How would you know?
She scratched her name into my window with her bigass wedding ring. btw she wants you to call her
I just sneezed and margarita mix and ash came out of my nose. I love jersey
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
Randomize
