tonight i'm making a christmas tree shaped shot pyramid
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
He came on my face and told me I looked like a gingerbread house.
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Did you get drunk last night? You put Christian lyrics as your fb status again.
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I think I am calling out of work due to a hangover. I'm 96% sure there ISN'T tampon stuck inside me.
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
I remember you fighting a small man for the last of the pizza. Was there a midget in my house last night?
Trying to stay sober at a family function but hiccuping so fucking loud. "Have you been drinking?" I hit on my cousin so yeah. I have been drinking.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
