Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
Went to the career fair today..I handed out many resumes to find out later that they say I have a bachelor o farts degree...Top that.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
do you think you could subtly ask him about the dimensions of his penis?
he said he did everything he could to puke on his nurses because they were doing everything wrong
Thats admirable.
Your CAR. Is in a LAKE. I'd say "a big mess" is a pretty conservative description of the situation.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
OMG BTW REMEMBER HOW HE ORDERED PIZZA THAT ONE TIME WE HOOKED UP. APPARENTLY HE WAS HANDING IT OUT TO PEOPLE WHO LIVE IN MY BUILDING AS HE WAS LEAVING
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
The NSA quit spying on phones. I'm sending you SO MANY dick pics.
I masterbated poison ivy onto my penis, it hasn't been this upset with me since the Take one for the team fiasco of 02.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
My life is pants optional.
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