the nicest thing hes ever said to me is give me head.......please
totally watching dr. phil and getting eaten out right now. be jealous.
Married on the beach in PCB while blackout drunk. Bonged beers on the sandbar for a bachelor party. They shotgunned beers at the end of the vows. How is spring break allowed to happen?
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I found her in the bathroom licking her screwdriver off the floor. she said there was no way she was wasting a $6 drink.
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Well, I tried to shit into my refrigerator. It was a rough night.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
'allo, good sire. how dost thy day goeth?
oh no. you're at that weird Renaissance Festival thing again, aren't you?
I am an inebriated elf. you may fucketh off.
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
It's only considered alcoholism if you're drinking from something other than a cup....right?
Randomize
