Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
I don't get calzones all look the same but taste so different
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
my debutante medallion kept hitting his balls when i went down on him
I think the recipie for awesome sauce is butter and semen
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
you came downstairs saying you were now 'dressed to impress'
what was i wearing?
nothing
Only you could be admitted to the ER and walk out with a nurse's phone number. I wish I was gay
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I creeped him on fb. I'm about 90% sure I just blew him in the same tux he wore for his wedding..
Well, why would you bring gelado into a strip club?
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
Randomize
