I don't usually arrange sex via text message
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
they're using the ping pong table for ping pong. it's weird
can we change the rule from "no one is ugly after 2 am" to 1130 so i can justify last night
well once we started drinking vodka out of wine glasses there was no turning back
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Member that time when we got super drunk and had fun and fell in love
I remember it like it was tomorrow.
Next time we smoke don't let me talk. I just said something and it sounded like I was speaking in hashtag.
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
I spent a good part of the night in a bear hat claiming I'd changed spieces
He'll only communicate through snapchat with pictures of him holding his cat or his dick. Bit of Russian roulette opening them in public but I did it anyway.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
It's just not St. Patrick's Day until someone pukes on your panties.
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
Wtf did i hit my head on?
Tequila
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