I told him I was prego. He asked coul we do it without a condom now since I cldn't get any pregnanter. What an a-hole.
apparently drunk me likes to play hide the puke.. was not a fun time washing all my legos.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
You know those creepy dolls that look like they are watching you from anywhere in the room? It was like that, but with his penis...
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
He said, "cum on daddy's dick!" ... I pictured my dad. That just scarred me for life.
I feel like every time I get the courage to masturbate to a guy from Game of Thrones, they kill him off.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
A good example of deductive reasoning: Knowing that when my girlfriend texts me "I promise not to smoke all your weed!" that she is...at that VERY moment...Smoking All Of My Weed.
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
We live walking distance from the coors factory. no, we do not have a dry week.
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
Randomize
