Yo dont text me then not text me
so on my way home this naked dude runs right in front me his weiner at half mast screaming i'm only doing this cause its a 50 dollar dare
i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
there needs to be a build-a-bong store...
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
At least he finally released me from his spooning oven of death...
I literally have nothing else left to cut besides my drug budget; the dark days are among us
I haven't heard from him yet. He's either still asleep (which is entirely plausible..... There wasn't much sleeping happening last night) or he's robbing me blind. But I have renters insurance, so either way, I'm ok with it.
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
He just kept pissing on the couch as we were yelling at him while he repeatedly told us "its going to be okay".
Ahhh the shame of taking out my recycling
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Spent like 2 minutes so far learning and 35 minutes in a group chat talking about big asses. Yet another Wed zoom meeting.
Let me call you later. I’m lining up some office dick now that working at home is ending
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