If a fat man falls in the shower and nobody is in the apartment, does his pride still hurt? Answer: yes
remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
I wouldn't really call it 'getting lucky' considering I paid her to do it.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
This may be a weird question to ask someone who is 21 years old, but are you grounded?
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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