omg this kid i'm babysitting is making a penis out of playdough ahhhh.
He just rolled me a 'baby penis' as opposed to his 'big boy' penis that he crafted...he just demanded that I roll him a penis.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
you made your cat watch a peta video with you, so you could show it how just how good its life is
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
how do i say "thank you for the blowjob, but never talk to me again" without crushing her?
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
High moment. Almost just passed the blunt to the dog.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Would I waste your time for mediocre porn?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
To me, you're the Patron Saint of good music and handjobs
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
Randomize