Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
I just found out that the liquid capacity of my breasts is 700ml each. I should not be left alone at home when drunk.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
I fingered her though her window because she couldn't leave
There's a mechanical bull in the basement dude where are you
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
Who knew I could feel anymore shameful at the bar than i usually do...I think my bartender recognizes me from the walk of shame out of his house after i hooked up with his son yesterday
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
You can cuddle me. Word on the street is my ass is ridiculous.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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