the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
He kept asking me to take off my bra and I sat up so he could. He fumbled with it for a few minutes and when I sighed and went to undo it he goes, "Yeah, you got this."
dude i just saw a drunk guy attempt to get by IUPD and throw a uprooted bleacher seat over the edge of the stadium. funniest thing of life.
details please.
they caught him 10 rows from the top. the first thing he said was "wait I can explain, i just have to throw this over first."
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
Would love to except that I crashed into a hearse in a funeral procession about an hour ago so I think that pretty much put an end to my day.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Bro that's the last time I try to stick my penis in a bowl of jello. I can't believe your sister ate that, did she not see my dick mold
The nausea has returned and I can't handle such things to exit my body so violently
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
the man at taco bell in the drive thru window tried to sell me his mix tape
his single is called “stick some holes in it”
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
First night in my new place, I had to get drunk to get used to the idea of shitting in a new toilet
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