its been so long since i'vebeen laid i've forgotten what a penis looks like. When a guy makes me hot i picture him finishing the job by whipping a multi-setting showerhead out of his pants.
I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Reason #3 women are better than men: texting and peeing simultaneously. Write THAT in the fucking snow.
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
someone just sent me a bong wrapped in christmas paper in the mail. signed 'santa'.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Honestly no idea how dad figured out i did all that gay porn unless he was looking at gay porn.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
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