I would like to meet someone who actually lost their virginity in a candle filled room
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
I was so scared, I actually heard my grandmother's voice in my head saying if I get pregnant, then my vagina will fall off. And then I'm going to die.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
the bar just sent me a facebook message congratulating me on being a regular and getting such good grades. my life is not real.
I mean, that's eating your cake and fucking it too.
He invites me over too FucK and i wind up eating 6 jimboys tacos with his roommates. While he waited in his room. Maybe next time
Any time you've had a failed relationship, I blast No Sex for Ben by The Rapture and dance around my room. I wish I was joking.
She had an asthma attack and had to stop but insisted on getting me off. It's official she's the one
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
Tripping over coffee tables hurts shins but face is okay bc I landed on a sofa.
She left a cookie cake on my porch, and the frosting reads "I'm sorry". She left me an I'm-sorry-for-punching-you-in-the-face cake.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
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