I think i sorta joined a cult last night
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
I just farted. And everybody around me is looking at the fat girl to my left. I win.
I like one night stands...theyre like crushes for big kids
Where are you and why am I suddenly responsible for your taquitos?
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
Thankfully US customs doesnt have a checkbox for bringing semen into the country because my hair would still be in CDC quarantine
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
I am thinking about buying a decorative chest for all our sex stuff....
My brother is so high right now he's eating frozen peas and called them "fucking delightful"
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I FLASHED A GUY AT MCDONALDS FOR A FREE BREAKFAST BURRITO. IT WORKED!
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
When you wanted to give that guy at McDonalds your number you asked the cashier if you could borrow "a pen or just like a straw with his blood on it". He gave you a pen.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
