Wanna demo a makeout? Check box yes or no. Or maybe. Okay bye.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
In the officer's defense, I was indeed pantless at the time he cuffed me, but there's a perfectly good explanation.
Just got hit on via LinkedIn..do I capitalize on this opportunity/land a job or reply something sassy
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
Bruh. He just said the words "cyber sex"-is it 1999?
It's become almost a Pavlovian response. The sound of the vacuum being run by hubby causes an instantaneous involuntary orgasm.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
