Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
The stoners next door have their couch on the sidewalk again, shirtless, soaking their feet in a baby pool and listening to loud ukulele music. I want their life.
And as far as being fat goes I just did like 20 minutes of p90x and now i'm eating frosting out of the container....
I made him hve sex with me in the elevator so that I could put my finger down in never have I ever.
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
Hey, I got 20% of the people home that I was responsible for. I can't be expected to do much more.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
In other news, I just burned my penis
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
id like to think im the only pot dealing prostitute that is also an ordained minister. but maybe not. what a time to be alive
just the thought of you slurpin down noodles really rustles my jimmy
you suck at sexting
Does it get any better than dating a guy with a vasectomy? The answer is NO. No it does not
It isn't about the beer pong. It is about the destruction of the patriarchy.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
Randomize
