I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
swear to god some girl just crawled out of the washing machine. this is intense.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
Thank god i puked near the cancer center. makes me look like a chemo patient
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
It's basically the same plan, only step one gets revised to "look hot enough that he forgets I fucked his roommate"
I just used crown royal bags as pot holders...
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
Honestly who turns down a free blowjob?
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
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