I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I'd be a gr8 surrogate. I'm gonna love your fetus
You are NEVER going to guess whose penis was JUST in my mouth!!!
I'll give you a hint, we ate paste with him in kindergarten.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Have you ever noticed that the cities in car commercials look really futuristic?
...did you eat that brownie?
I feel like we should at least be hungover if we're gonna be this grown up.
If I show up to the mall alone looking like I do to purchase a vibrator and some Japanese food, I would judge me too.
so the kid in line in front of me at walmart just bought roses and a Plan B pill. Happy Valentines Day.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
So, I think my BF has slept with several of our sorority sisters
Well, now that you know, yes he has. We didn’t say anything because you seemed so happy. He’s a great guy and none of us have any hard feelings, but yeah, we’re all very familiar with his penis and it’s talents
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