Eating a burrito bowl w/ queso sauce is about as cool as the first time you have sex w/ out a condom
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
Lost my virginity in a banana suit. Glad I waited.
I feel like somebody ate me, then shit me into my bed.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
Just had the "whores are people too" talk with Mom. Bright side it's Christmas, and I may have been drunk, I don't think she caught on.
Do you remember when you first moved into my parents house with me and we came home to find that my dad bolted the headboard to the wall
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
Its not something you can force it it just has to happen like a rainbow or pooping
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
Randomize
