yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
he walked in on you at the party drunkenly dancing alone on the bed wearing mardi gras beads, sunglasses, and using one ski pole as a microphone.... and you STILL got laid. i dont get your life.
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
I justified spending $400 stocking my bar to my sister by saying it was an investment
Personally I think it's a tremendous investment
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
God that barista is texting me bout his life like i care i mean dude just hook me up with free coffee thats why i gave you my number
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
I feel like i'm walking on a never-ending field of baby sheep.
I have a knack for carnage and poetic language.
We did hand stuff while watching teenage mutant ninja turtles so I guess you could say it's getting serious
I'm determining which apartments I'm mostly to move into based on how suitable the kitchens are for sex .
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
What do you think would be the best way to remove a baby carrot from a vagina?
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
