Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
You know how you thought that you put on a condom last weel?
yea
turns out that you did...and i just found it.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Drinking with a woman who gave an anti-drugs speech at my high school. Somehow, not surprised.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I was trying to get everyone to go to the bar but I puked on my hands, so nobody took me seriously.
I legitimately thought he died. I even called his mom at 3am and told her. Im done with vodka.
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Its pretty bad when you can tell twins apart by the size of their penises...
Randomize
