I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
We watched a biography of Frida Kahlo in class today. It was depressing. A chick with a UNIBROW just put my sex life to shame.
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Apparently there was a point in the night that they literally thought he was dead, ass naked on the floor. That bad.
is year to celebrate how much I love you, I made a mosaic of your penis with conversation hearts. it's in your mailbox.\n\nHAPPY VALENTINE'S DAY TO YOU
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
P.s. remind me to tell you about the porno that Paul envisioned starring you. It's wizard of oz themed.
I JUST ATE A STRANGE BURRITO, I SHOULD NOT BE EXPECTED TO KNOW ANYTHING RIGHT NOW.
They said you bought the guy a shot and was talking about being Greek and then all of the sudden just puked all in their pitcher of beer and got kicked out of the bar.
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
I tried to order dominos and couldn't but I accidentally placed an order for this morning. I knew I did it last night and was gonna call and cancel this morning but honestly it's coming in 30 minutes and I need it
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
You are now at the point where people no longer question whether or not you might be on drugs. They now know for certain that you are
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