Why is half of me covered in green stuff that won't come off?
You stripper-danced on a light pole in the quad. It had fresh paint on it.
I think I gave almost everyone at that party the clap last night
Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
im probably shirtless right now with a bottle of jack watching horton hears a who. this is a judgement free zone.
You tried to put a condom on my dog, then he ate it.
Alright, I can go by eventually,, I don't wanna lose a second pair of shoes this semster from blacking out...
Remember camping when you drank 36 beers to yourself in one day and puked in your tent? Ready for round 2?
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
I want to reach into my vagina and rip out my uterus with my bare hands. Understand how much it hurts now?
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
I was covered in mud from my knees down, I smelt like the inside of a port-a-potty and only had mascara on one eye. . . so you know your usual Sunday brunch.
This friendship isnt goin to work if you dont respond to my drunk texts
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
