i wish i could, but i promised myself i wouldn't sleep with anyone who couldn't grow a beard for a while. it's not you, it's crosby.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
Not going out tonight. And so the 25 day drinking streak ends....
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
The highlight of the night was when he yelled "WAS THIS CONDOM MADE FOR TODDLERS??"
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
Prepare for massive TMI but anyway long story short I have a Swiss flag band-aid across my balls.
What a patriot you are. How'd it happen?
I was telling everyone at the frat that they had to try the "fantastic refreshment" that was everclear, vodka and country time
Colombian exchange intern from my Mom's friend's ranch loves me, and is staying the night because we got each other drunk. Successful Christmas? I think yes.
Just ate an entire BBQ chicken pizza this better go to my tits
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Remind me to tell you all about the topless girl on the street who attempted to taze me.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
Randomize
