I found a pair of size 15 female undies on my floor?? is that big?
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
Bartender just fed me brownie. Its going to be a good night
She's a freaking stalker dude, it's like having some kind of cartoon animal just following around everywhere
The cop was yelling at you as you layed on the sidewalk and you wouldn't take him seriously cause you thought it was some dude in a cop costume.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Some rando guy literally just put my shoes on and tied them for me because I'm drunk... Is this what it feels like to be a princess?
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
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