I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
she said if I bought her franzia she would blow me, and she would fuck me if I splurged on martini and rossi. Franzia it is
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Congratulations, you have helped solved the mysterious disapperance of Dani's phone which was found in the munchies cabinet next to the oreos. Your reward is star power as well as a fat ass bowl of Nebula. You may proceed through the wardrobe and into Narnia for your prize.
seeing two freshman taking a cab home at noon on a Monday makes me realize how much worse my life choices could have been
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
This guy keeps going off in the metal detector. When is it appropriate for me to punch him in the throat just in case?
I feel like if you're funneling natty lights on a Wednesday at 2:30pm at the apartment complex pool during finals week, you probably don't have your priorities straight.
I'm gonna celebrate Valentines day by watching Bob Ross videos and tripping balls.
He called me for phone sex. Do you know how hard it is to fake an orgasm, and play Candy Crush at the same time?
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
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