I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
All was going smooth until he pulled a condom out of his collection he kept in a Cheesy Gordita Crunch Box from Taco Bell.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Her fucking playlist had randy newman on it. It was like woody was watching the whole time.
He stole a bottle of grenadine from the bar. And got arrested. His new cell mate is going to love his bright red lips.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
my brain is opting to stay half drunk rather than relearn how to think. the rest of me is in no position to argue.
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
My aunt left me alone with the instructions to "get waisted" by the time she returns. I love drunk aunt.
I'm tripping pretty hard right now but every time a Volvo drives by I feel like everything is gonna be alright
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I got the beer and the first aid kit. You get the tequila and burn cream. We should be set for the camping trip.
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
