I just woke up on my kitchen floor using a yellow pages as a pillow and surrounded by plants that used to be in the garden around my apt building, can't wait to see the security tapes for my eviction
I'm playing with the baby I just found in your kitchen
Canada: barely better than America at a sport they invented.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
since i'm not going, you must continue my tradition of flashing every person there.
during a bj, his alarm went off and he said "At the buzzer"
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
The only way he could ever pleasure me is if he lit himself on fire and let me watch
Swiping left on your brother's Tinder account is possibly the worst way to learn he broke up with his girlfriend.
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
I've never been so drunk at home. I just sat on the toilet playing with toilet paper for ten minutes, I almost made a paper crane.
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