I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
defrosting a beer in the microwave. no sparks so far.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
just threw up what i'm pretty sure look like contents of a lava lamp
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
I had a drink called "the white nun." It tasted like Marshmallows, and celibacy.
I woke up to a shattered My Little Pony garbage pail, a black eye I don't know how I got and no one will look me in the face. Fuck tequila.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
Didn't shower and drew a couple dicks on my face before I went to work. Boss sent me home. Sacrificed my dignity for a 3 day weekend with you guys.
Next year, please remind me not to be at a damn Super Bowl party with screaming children whose parents can't control them. I will sell the little suckers to the fucking circus passing through town.
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
These guys are just fucking with my heart instead of fucking me. They're fucking up.
I haven't even lived here for 24 hours yet, and I've already banged someone. My new hoe life is off to a great start.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
