You know that restaurant that is like over by home depot?
That shitty one? I heard the food sucks there
It's my parent's restaurant
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
he just kept saying that he had liquor dick..then he tried to fuck me without removing his pants.
I'm pretty sure there is a country song about this exact situation
She wanted to test if her costume allows her to still have sex in it. It does
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
don't worry i just saved a song to my personal usb drive to give to the dj at the bar. he's playing old school jlo whether he likes it or not.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
The water at the venue tasted HORRIBLE so I just kept drinking booze. It was like the medievals.
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
