Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
I'm sitting here in nothing but my panties, eating beef jerky and reese's for breakfast.Today is not the day to expect me to make sound life decisions.
Fuck. I'm going to pass the savings right on to the strippers. It's trickle down economics.
congratulations to me i think I am on the road to legitimate alcoholism
cool. same. I'm in class drinking
NOT OKAY
sorry for partying
THATS NOT PARTYING THATS DRINKING IN CLASS
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
In the pie chart of my life, she is a huge part of why I drink.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Imma need a double jack on the rocks and a BJowsky from the hot bartender.
Yes I said BJOWSKY. Pronounced "buh jow skii".
My life hurts
I woke up 30 minutes away from the bar, my car was at a train station, and when I got home all I got was the speechless head shake
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Like the fear of satan was put into my heart when I saw him put that sandwich on the WOODEN BENCH
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
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