vodka and carrot juice, if im gonna drink i at least got my 8 servings of vegetable
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Let me start this apology by saying I'm sorry that I bit your penis.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
IDK I WAS CAUGHT UP IN THE TEQUILA SHOTS AND FRIENDSHIP
He stopped me mid blowjob and asked me to take off my hat. He said it made him feel like Neil Young was going down on him.
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
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