No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
Do you ever go through someone elses pictures and just appreciate the fact that youre not really friends with them?
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
You didn't see us wave? How could you not? We were all going like 10mph screaming at you. We were stoned and didnt wanna run over pedestrians
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
And i'll likely end up sleeping in a bush wrapped up in my poncho
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
Randomize
