p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
dude just tell them you don't wear clothes. they'll understand
My grandmother just explained bulimia to me as a diet
How do I say to her "Have you eaten mango lately because my penis had an allergic reaction"
The dentist just called my mother to confirm the appointment that I made on his answering machine at 4:33 am this morning..
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
oh i have no idea about his personality. i imagine it's the same as it was- except now combined with a receding hairline and a beer gut
i climbed out of the bath tub this morning and found him taped to the treadmill
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
And we had three hours of crazy sex then his roommate ate pizza off me while I was sleeping.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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