Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
it's circumsized.
I think this conversation is over.
he's paying for my abortion by participating in an alcohol study. dont try to tell me we wouldn't be classy parents
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
I know this is really fun but I don't wanna glow anymore
From the same High Brittany who brought you such thoughts as, "Fuck, am I wearing shoes?" Comes High Brittany on a date! Stay tuned. This will be interesting.
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
And anyway at least being paid in opium makes a cool story
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
So my mom wants to hear about my weekend. How do I make licking cupcake frosting off your face while high not sound like just that?
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
Randomize