I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
i'm in his bathroom *freshening up* and he not only has a hairdryer... but a straightener. get me out of here... NOW
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
His facebook says he is a fan of "underwater handjobs"
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
had to bail. she had her cat tattooed on her
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
You're a waste of cheezeits
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Got her pregnant in a minivan. Circle of life.
can you come here so we can have really loud sex? the girl upstairs walks so loud i want her to know how it feels
of course
Randomize
