Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Sooo the theme of my 21st is rapidly becoming Gay Mexico
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
I may or may not have told him that he's "the only one with a PHD in this pussy"... I should like direct cheesy porno flicks or something.
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
It was like mission impossible.
but with sex.
This lady is talking to me and all I can think about is getting face fucked and doing cocaine. Not neccesarily together and not neccesarily in that order
Randomize
