Did you fuck her?
If by "fuck her" you mean "threw up on her shoes," then yes, I achieved that.
If it makes you feel any better I'm plucking my mustahce and drinking. Alone.
I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
twelve hours since my last beer and i just blew a .08, time to go to the library
How did our waiter from olive garden end up passed out drunk in my roommate's bed?
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
Just drove by where I lost my sausage gravy virginity
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I just wanted a bootycall and now somehow I'm at his parents playing dominoes. But they have tequila so it's cool
Good news y'all just straight up snorted 2 adderall and I'm not a real being on this plane of existence anymore and I'm ready for finals
Why the fuck am I at this dorm meeting? I don't pay $50,000 a year to stay sober.
I have to touch the horse lube. :-(
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