just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
So I just went home and made my own spanx by cutting the legs off of a pair of nylons. I'm either a genius or missed my calling to live in a trailer park.
just walked out of chelsea's house and saw cameron slapping his dick against her car. cant even make this shit up if i tried.
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
I'm calling into work with a wicked case of sledge hammer crotch. She has to understand
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
I gave you a lap dance in a bowling alley... And I was Fine?
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
Hey. There is naked girl with "plz don't touch her. She just turned 21" sharpied on her chest. What happened last night?
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
We're at the liquor store. Then going to the hospital
I'm actually kind of scared about the prospect of us living together. We're just going to eat pizza and drink wine before retiring to our rooms with vibrators
Nothing has ever been more true. Ever.
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
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