Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
please quote me on this- the only thing worse than being ugly is being ugly and thinking that you're pretty
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
Drunk versus high capture the flag: what team is everybody gonna be on?
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
You left the resturant and came back with a McDonalds burger in your pocket so ya...no more pregaming birthday dinners. Especially since it wasn't your birthday.
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
if you didn' use the plastic sword on the cop. maybe this wouldn't have happened.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
He took me out to dinner to tell me we had to stop fucking so randomly
Honestly wish he pleased me as much as queso does
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Also I like oatmeal more than sex.
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize