just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
low key just jizzed in a chinese food container
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Although I wish I was out drinking, this cough syrup has me slightly more optimistic than usual.. I heavily debating trying to find mystical creatures and selling them to rich people as pets
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
He was barking to the beat of "I like to fuck" and then chugged 3 beers and fell off the deck.. I should have gotten community service hours
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
I'm currently deliberating if I'm going to be too drunk on New Years to handle wearing false eyelashes.
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
