it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
are you drunk enough to hook up with me yet?
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
I feel like after that many guys, all of the water in your body is just replaced with pure jizz, honestly.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
For the record you were pretending you were in a rocket when you drove from wawa to your house. So like 2 minutes of me listening to you making rocket sounds over the phone lmfao
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
UHG. i just want to have hot lesbian sex and eat pizza with you.
I'm sexting at my family's 4th of July BBQ and I feel no shame....
Randomize
