Crosby and Malkin: Two girls, one cup.
i just woke up with two martini umbrellas taped to my nipples... idk how they got there
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
so i woke up.. still drunk and discovered my roommate in the living room passed out dick-in-hand watching porn..
What did u do?
turned the porn up and opened the windows so everybody goin to class could see him..
I just found out my first birthday was a keg party. Suddenly everything makes sense
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
do not give him the "i just had sex cake" i repeat DO NOT give him the cake. things didn't go well
Taking shots with an iv of fluids in, because I work tomorrow. That's responsibility. Employee of the month right here.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
My costume for the end of the world party was a success. Everyone in the ER thought I was there because I got hit by a car when it was actually from alcohol poisoning.
How long can I keep it classy to hook up in my old office building? Two more years? Does it get weird after 30?
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
And to be clear I have only watched porn like 3 times at work
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