My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
watching E! true Hollywood story: curse of the lottery.. i'd probably spend all my money on blow and airplanes too..
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
You tried telling the RA that girl you brought home was your mom...
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
I mean looking back on it, it's unlucky but at least now we can say we were in jail from 2011 to 2012
That's thinking positively..
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
I haven't had to masterbate since I started dating him over a year ago. I don't even know if I remember how and my vagina is calling.
The next time we go out, we're bringing a jar so that people can contribute to the rest of what I need to come up with for my breast implants... We'll show them yours for inspiration and persuasion.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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