My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Is today national text-a-girl-whose-had-your-dick-in-her-mouth day and I just wasn't aware?? I am getting the most random "just saying hey" texts ever and that's the only common denominator.
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
She took a crow from her moms Halloween decorations, taped it to her shoulder, went to the bar and made the guys buy a drinks for both her and the crow.
That is true. Vodka is like a dog. Always loyal, warm, and there for you when you need it
Chill out, I'm getting ready as fast as I can. I didn't even masturbate in the shower.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I can't finger myself when I'm all distracted about whether or not your family is going to like me
I cunt my lip shaving. That's not a typo, it's a placement clue
This girl is wasted dancing to The Final Countdown. She's grinding on a guy who came to the bar in a track jacket and a wife beater
I need a costume
Dude just wear a bra or something hahaha
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
