I actually told the people in the movie theatre to give me a cup and I would dip water from the toilet before I paid $4.50 for a bottle of water.
ur penis kinda felt like a vagina to me
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
I just made my roommate a 'Hope you don't have chlamydia' cake.
Make one for john too.
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
Just did an entire nights worth of bar crawl in an hour. Boom
What should I say back?
Well, how do you want the conversation to go?
Straight into my pants.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
Btw I have come to the conclusion that we really need to do it in a bed. Like at least once..
He was awesome with her today. I can't say that it didn't make my Fallopian tubes sing "The Hills Are Alive."
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
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