I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
i just taught a 3 year ld how to do a jager bomb, i cant wait to have kids
I'm proud of us, I'm cleaning up the place and I haven't found a single beer can that isn't empty.
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
I want to do something romantic. Like gargle champagne before I put your dick in my mouth.
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
I sang "A Whole New World" while I took his virginity
That is awesome that you did that.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
DID YOU DO SOMETHING WITH THE DEAD ROACH IN THE KITCHEN? OR DID IT LAZARUS?
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I got very very very high last night and bought a cotton candy machine on eBay
Have you actually looked at the corn flakes box? I don't think the rooster has a soul.
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