We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
Can we have fireworks this year or will the ocean explode?
I just dropped macaroni right down my cleavage. For the sake of our future, I'm really banking on this being a turn on for you.
She's more of a "I'm gonna get herpes no matter how great her face looks like" pretty
I wish there were birth control emojis
Apparently stumbling across interstate bridges is not cause for concern but screaming Wookie noises at cars is. Thanks, cops.
Seriously, webMD this shit for me, I cant move and I dont wanna die until I have something worth fighting over in my will
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
In hindsight, I probably should not have let the waiter give me a chiropractic adjustment on my neck last night.
I always feel bad for the sober driver... Never been me but I feel bad... empathetic AF
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