Jager Bombs are cool, but hydrogen bombs are where it's at. Sparks and jager equals instant black out, I mistakenly tried eating a cigarette thinking it was a nacho.
Also, hurry up because I don't like drinking alone. I'm still doing it, but I don't like it.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I'm getting kicked out of the place we're at. They don't like ketchup on their walls..
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
I would ride that face into the sunset
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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