I just heard a mom tell her toddler son "shut the fuck up. Don't ask me to buy you shit when i'm taking u to go see some fucking animals" welcome to the bronx.
God. I look like such a fucking stand up guy wearing polo shirts. You would totally trust me not to date rape you.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
the cops who came hadnt heard yet. when we told them they sang the star spangled banner with us
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
i want to go make food but i'll have to face my mom after telling her that the random i'm sleeping with, whose name i don't know, told me I was "too slutty to be his girlfriend" when i was drunk last night
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
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