Did you know that cab drivers don't take quarters for payment? They don't even like it when you ask.
fuck you guys, stop putting fake babies in my car the cops came again.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
His parents had a bottle of captain morgan on the table for me when I went for dinner. I feel accepted
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
I'm in class. I'm not opening a page with the words "death erection" in the link. There's people behind me lol.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
You overflowed the toilet cuz you tried to flush apples. you said they were singing too loudly
The last thing I remember is feeding country fried steak to my best friend in a bubble bath with my bare hands.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
Nothing makes the walk of shame as great as disapproval from a mom getting ready for work
YOU LICKED MY MAKEUP OFF.
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
we thought it would be safer to lock you in the car alone downtown than take you back home to pass out
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