Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
there are people swimming in the fountain next to the library... hello senior week
We left around 4am, just after you laid down on your front lawn to take a piss. After 15 mins I said "dude are you still peeing?" you replied "Nope, just laying here with my dick out."
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
By early evening I was shouting at the deeply Christian girl to suck my dick inbetween snorting lines of gatorade powder.
We need a full length mirror. I just ate it trying to look at my shoes on the toilet. But aside from a arm bruise I'm good to go
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I put a zucchini in my pussy for you
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I'm sorry, but if I hear stories of you getting fingered in the ass, and selling weed, you are not coming to my party.
We still on for Manwhore Monday?
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