I feel like our bond as friends is a lot stronger now that I've talked to you on the phone while having sex.
I just had sex with a black guy. He told me I had a big dick. I think that's God's way of saying it's okay to be gay.
We just built a bong out of a pineapple. I am never leaving hawaii. Ever.
She was wearing a "Got Beer" hat and your bed had necco wafers all over it the next morning. Another story for the grandkids.
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
I don't think blacking out in class is a good idea. But I'm game
he told me he was a chubby chaser.. then winked. i'm signing up for a gym pass as we speak
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
You're more than welcome to join us! There's red velvet cake and apparently my pants are open for business I didn't consent to this
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
You were in the girls bathroom yelling at some random chick because you thought she stole all the urinals. That's why you were kicked out.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
