The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
He said he had bite marks on his back... Turns out he had to throw me over his shoulder, and I was really reluctant.
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
its been so long even thinking about having a dick inside me makes me sore
I found out his name. Apparently we sat in the shower together and flooded the bathroom.
On a scale of 1-10 how seriously are we considering being sugar babies?
I'm about a 7.95
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
I hate you so much right now. You got us kicked out of my favorite bar because your drunk ass was hogging the Bluetooth jukebox and would play NOTHING but that goddamn skeleton song. IT'S NOT EVEN OCTOBER YET.
Spopky scrzy skeletonssz
He said he didnt want to choke me, I said im sorry thats a deal breaker.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
