you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
Picture Ja Rule and 50 Cent having a sexy full grown love child son...He's on my bus right now, wearing an outside jacket with no shirt underneath. My fashion sense and libido are fighting it out.I'll keep you posted on who wins.
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
I think it's starting to become crucial that I find a companion for my vagina.
He sent me a limp picture of his penis with the caption " same ol, same ol' I cant believe these are the type of guys I sleep with
You went over didnt you?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
You finished the fifth and then hid two dozen eggs around your apartment and declare that you would "quest for Jesus". Have fun questing today.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
I feel like it went downhill once I decided we should take $100 tequila shots.. oops lol
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
I think I need to expose myself to your dog so he knows that I am also a male.
Your the only person to come back from spring break with a non std related infection
let’s be honest I’d fucking Irish step dance on your grave, asshole
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
We decided it was a good idea to go streaking through the campus. Everything was fine until the sprinklers turned on and we realized the keys were in his pocket.
Randomize