I'm also annoyed at my horoscope for not warning me of my perils
she's crying while babbling "all i do is win"
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
It feels like there's puke trying to explode out of me from behind my eyeballs.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I just had to close my blinds so my neighbors wouldn't see me drinking a beer at 9 am. GO CHIEFS!
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
The next time you scream bombs away when you are inside me will be the last time you are inside me
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
Fuck this pandemic. She grabbed the hand sanitizer instead of the hand lotion while giving me a hand job and now my dick is burning and scrotum are on fire
A hand job? Are you 12?
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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