There's a girl in my class named "La-a" pronouced "Luh Dash uh" I hate everyone
someone wrote "the short drunk lives here" on our door. i already have a reputation
it's like heaven, but drunker
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Sorry, all I could picture was you jamming your dick into a lemon.
Don't worry, I could have been accepted their by waving my dick at the admissions building.
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
Hes done the math! Hes calculated how much sex it's going to take to fuck 365 miles. Now thats a little brother im proud of. New resolutions are a go!
So the girl I met at the bar last night came home with me. Played with my puppy. And left.
The blonde cop looked at my license and told me I better have be home when her shift ends
I hate you
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