thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
i'm sure the inside of her vag looks like Normandy circa 1944
and yes i had to double check that date for that joke to be accurate
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
Both his mom and his sister were hitting on me when I stopped by today. He isn't a real friend anyway, right?
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
I walked into a room this morning and someone asked how my back was because I apparently threw myself off the porch after attempting to set myself on fire. Who the fuck let drunk me play with fire?!
Better question: who the fuck planted a tree next to the porch?!
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
I just group texted a dick pic. Wonder who'll respond back first. Ashley Stacey or my stepmom
is it bad that im laying on a beach towel in my room with my lights on high pretending to be tanning on the beach in the summer?
I see more hoeing in ur future
Randomize