this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I'm tellin ya, let the nipple get some air, they'll hire u on the spot, lawyers love a little nip
I hat to flip my "days since last bad decision" chart back to zero. So...yeah. Sigh.
If I'm walking weird, don't judge me. Things got kinda outta hand with the GoPro on.
I feel like my liver should be on crutches right now
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
He wanted to save my dignity, I just wanted beads and jäger
Accent: check. Hot body: check. 8" dick: check. Feeds me biscuits in bed after rampant sex: check. Should I continue with my "Why I'm not coming back to the States" List?
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
Randomize
